#NBMtF Diary01

[questioningespecialy]

NBMtF Diary#01: going outside

Nobody told me it’d be so hard to go out outside. Took my time getting dressed in the skirt and top. Adjusted the cross body leatherbag and felt comfortable af with it surprisingly. Stared at myself for awhile like the perv I am, and then... stood there.

Walked all the way to the front door and... stood there. Couldn’t even touch the knob. Just stood there.

Knew it was odd. That this shouldn’t be hard, but... I stood there.

I’ve already gone out thrice now. This time’s not much different. Even to the same location. Sure, there’s a bag under my arm now. And a skirt below my shirt. But... I stood there.

Yeah, the shirt’s practically the same as before. And I’ve still got the beard. So I probably look like a hot oddity confusing dafuq outta people 💅🏿 But still... It’s not the same. Not at all.

There’s no mistaking me anymore. No wondering. The pants before were debatable. The skirt now? Obvious.

Spot me from a mile away. As soon as I turn my head. “That’s a beard!” “What is that guy?!” Am I gonna die?

Probably not. Maybe. Confident enough for a 1-on-1. But not willing to try a 2-on-1. And if they’ve got a knife? And if they drive by with a gun? Will I be another one?

idfk This shit’s scary. I’m still gonna go. But this shit’s scary.

I don’t wanna go. But I do wanna go. I don’t wanna go. But I do wanna go.

I’m hungry aren’t I? Don’t I wanna eat? Don’t you use those closed questions with me! Well? What’s it gonna be? Just give me a minute! Geez

I’ll be ready in a bit. Eventually. Just give me a minute.